Azi's Gerbil of Armageddon
A Free Java(J2ME) Game for your Mobile Phone
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Copyright (C) Aziraphal 2010
Current version: 1.0.00
Stop wasting my time, take me straight to downloads!
What is this all about??
Our hero, the famous Gerbil of the urban legend, endured the unspeakable abuse (involving a cardboard tube) once too often. In his rage he discovered he had developed the super-ability of flying! Arming himself with an endless supply of bombs he embarked on a bloody rampage of destruction only small cuddly rodents are capable of.
Still, that dreaded tube keeps waiting for him at the end of the tunnel; and only his (and your) supernatural reflexes, precision and anger can perhaps bring him to true freedom one day.
The road to aforementioned freedom is full of bizarre enemies that make the Monty Python crew seem sane. Jet-propelled cactuses (that's cact-I you ignoramus. ED), aggressive false teeth, outrageous Internet memes such as the Ceiling Cat and the O'Rly Owl, headless chickens (well, lacking even more than head), the Game Creator's detached head on a flying saucer ... and much more awaits those who can handle it in the wackiest cover of the classic Scramble game ever.
Brought to you in an oilsmooth freescrolling action powered by the revolutionary Azi's RAsaRS engine that guarantees to keep your thumbs in painful motion and your face in a permanent O of WTF.
- Several levels with more and more outlandish enemies appearing as you progress!
- Several different routes to victory possible; this is no boring one-shot arcade! When (if ever) you win this impossibly difficult game, try another path! There are two main paths leading to totally different levels, plus several choices of path on each of those levels.
- AUTO-SNAPSHOT. The game can be interrupted and continued at a later time - ANYTIME, ANYWHERE! Switch the phone off before your teacher or girlfriend spots you playing with yourself - you can resume the fun later on; no need to reserve a dark room free from all outside intrusions to beat your high score! The main menu defaults to "Continue" when a valid game snapshot is saved.
- Annoying in-game music! [yes, can be switched off in Settings menu]
- FREE !!!11 Did I mention it costs zilch? Well, cost zilch it does, young Jedi!
- Fly through the tunnel and bomb anything that moves .. except the coins.
- Collect the flashing coins by touching them; there are five on each level and picking them all up gives you a monster bonus of 625 points.
- Be as trigger-happy as possible, there's an extra life in it every 1000 points.
- Land in the tube at the end, try not to think where it may lead...
|Fight the darkest Internet Memes such as the Ceiling Cat and the O'Rly Owl!
* * * * *
- New Game: Pretty obvious.
- Continue: Resumes a saved snapshot. The snapshot gets created when you quit a game or shutdown the application - or even the phone itself.
- Settings: Opens the Settings menu on a separate page.
- Exit: Shutdown the app before the addiction destroys your personal life and career.
|The Ultimate Metaphysical Experience! Meet your Creator ... then bomb the crap outta Him!
- Main Menu <<<: Back to the Main Menu. (Painfully obvious)
- View Size: Adjust the zoom level. Recommended you leave the default setting: "Fullscreen"
- Fullscreen: Determines the maximum possible size of the square playing field that can fit on your gadget's screen.
- Max Non-Scaled: Resizes the view by the maximum possible integer factor. You dig? 100% (128x128), 200% (256x256) etc etc. This way the sprites get resized evenly without blurry artifacts... Not available if fullscreen size is only 128x128.
- Custom: You decide the size. The minimum is 128 x 128 pixels, also known as "100 %".
- Overflow: Once you select a custom size too big to fit, this option turns red. It's an unwise thing to do on two accounts. Imprimis, you don't see the whole field of action anymore since it is bigger than your screen. Secundus, it may well cause Out-of-memory errors. (If that happens: restart the app, select a smaller view and choose Continue on the main menu.) Why is it possible to select too big a view in the first place? Frankly, it was useful for testing and I hadn't bothered to turn it off... live with it
- View Resize Smoothing: At view sizes that are not 200%, 300%... (2-to-1, 3-to-1 etc) but something in between (like 150 %.... ) the engine can resize the sprites smoothly (option "Yes") or in a rough manner (option "No"). If the view size is 100%, 200%, ... and so on, the option reads "Not needed at current zoom". (btw: No, I can't be bothered to design a different set of sprites at different zooms. I got two kids to feed) See for yourself an example of 170% zoom:
- Swap "Y" Control: Choose "Yes" if you own a model or emulator with a numeric keypad where 1,2,3 are at the bottom and there's no arrow keys. Are there such weird models on the market? Who knows. Anyway, this option is here if you need it. 2 would mean down, 8 would mean up in "ON" mode.
- Music: Choose "Active" if you enjoy listening to that awful retro-beeped ragtime or "Disabled" for the peace n' quiet. In case of sound module errors (not mine but your handset's manufacturer's CEO fault for cutting corners when implementing MIDP 2, note) it will be disabled automatically and can only be enabled again when you restart the app. Bwahahah
- Pause Key: Choose one of the four non-direction keys, known as Game A .. Game D, to pause the game. Or none at all. They may be mapped to keys 1, 3, 7, 9 or somewhere else on your phone's keypad... click away and you'll find them. There's also an option "None" so no key is used for pause at all.
|Can you find the super-secret Treasure Cave?
* * * * *
RAQ (Rarely Asked Questions)
Why can't you move diagonally? My phone can handle multiple direction keys at once!
Unfortunately for ya, the main testing platform (ie. my trusty old Nokia 6060) does not. So I condemn you to suffer the same limitations. Don't worry, the levels were designed with that in mind.
Why can there only be two bombs present at once?
'Twas a limitation of the original Scramble and I grew fond of it. (or at least the version I knew, the mischievously named Penetrator on ZX Spectrum). You want a rapid fire plasma gun or something? Ferget it.
Why don't you hire a professional graphics designer?
Wait for Crysis 2, you spoiled kid
Regarding the Music.
As I discovered while writing the infamous Azi's Metronome, getting music and sound to work consistently across different handsets is a major pain in Uranus. So enable the music at your own risk. If there are errors during playback, they should be (if you're lucky) handled in a nice way (with a large red error message appearing for 3 seconds) and the game should go on in blessed silence. The music can be enabled again in such cases after you restart the app.
On some models (e.g. Nokia E63) the tune restarting (when killing yourself) can cause a short but annoying pause; No alternative but to turn it off if it grates on your nerves. Sorry.
There are just two tunes: Menu music and in-game music. Each took about half an hour to write, so give me a break; my impressive music is here. I truly have many more wonderful things to do with my life than worry about the interactive kill and coin-pickup jingles play consistently on all those sloppy J2ME implementations out there without freezing/crashing, or the sound of explosion coming up two seconds after teh flash (like we're dealing with a 500-ft monster rodent half a mile away)
TL;DR There's no sound and just some lame non-interactive music - that might or might not work on your phone; love it or shut it off (Main Menu -> Settings -> Music -> Disabled)
Or sit next to a 500-watt amp system and play this while bombing away. AZIRAPHAL - ARMAGEDDON!
Azi's Gerbil of Armageddon is Album-Ware.
You can use it for all eternity free of charge, no nag screens, no time limits, no nothing. HOWEVER! If you find your life significantly enriched by Azi's Gerbil of Armageddon, consider surfing over to cdbaby.com/cd/Aziraphal and ordering the author's CD. You'll not only own one of the best indie electronic/classical music CD's out there, you'll make the author very happy and eternally grateful.
First, let's get this over with. This is a J2ME (Java Micro Edition) game. It was written with my trusty ancient Nokia 6060 in mind, which (by today's standards) is primitive beyond words. But make sure your phaser supports this:
Best used on phones with actual buttons, as opposed to virtual buttons on touchscreen-only devices (e.g. Nokia 5800 XPressMusic, courtesy of Flying Dog Fish, is a real challenge to go beyond level 2)
- Java applications: MIDP 2.0 CLDC 1.1
- Color screen resolution 128 x 128 pixels
- 256 k available memory
There is no, repeat, no MIDP 1.0 or vendor-specific build of Azi's Gerbil of Armageddon, nor will ever be.
To Download Directly with your Mobile Phone
- The java (.jar) file is the package with everything you need to rock 'n roll. Most decent phones can load .jar files when you specify direct link.
You can also download the .jar file and transfer it to your phone if you have the data cable for it (e.g. my stupid former cellphone, Nokia 2650, had some obscure this-model-only cable that cost an arm and a leg, so I never bought it...)
- the .jad file is a "descriptor", basically some text info about the .jar (if you know your J2ME you know it, and if you don't you probably don't care, so on with the show..) some phones might require this one instead. The nifty Web emuler also requires the JAD.
Azi's Gerbil of Armageddon (MIDP 2)
Surf your gadget over to
mobile.aziraphal.com and hit the correct link. See notes above.
mpowerplayer: Online J2ME emulator!
Experience the magic of the Gerbil even without a mobile phone handy.
Click Here to play Azi's Gerbil of Armageddon in mpowerplayer emulator!
Current version: 1.0.00
- 2010/aug/14: 1.0.00: The first release is out.
EULA or something.
- No warranty. Azi's Gerbil of Armageddon (henceforth referred to as Teh R0dent) is made available by Aziraphal on an "AS IS" basis and with all its faults. It's free, for Moog's sake.
- In no event will Aziraphal be liable to any party for any damages, claims or costs whatsoever or any consequential, indirect, incidental damages, or any lost profits or lost savings caused by Teh R0dent.
- No Modification. You may not modify, adapt, translate or create derivative works based upon Teh R0dent. You may not reverse engineer, decompile, disassemble or otherwise attempt to discover the source code of Teh R0dent.
- Teh R0dent is provided free of charge but the autor retains copyright.
You are allowed, encouraged even, to make Teh R0dent available for download on a mobile phone software resource page, a part of a CD compilation or use it for any non-profit purpose - providing that full author credit is given. You are NOT allowed to sell or to rent Teh R0dent.
- Have fun with it or my lawyers are coming over to tickle you pink.
Aziraphal. The guy who wrote this thing; the code, the graphics, the tunes. Note the URL. Better known for his achievements in the world of electronic music.
Flying Dog Fish. The indispensable Head of Quality Assurance.
Fancy mobile phone image courtesy of Sun J2ME Wireless Toolkit 2.0.01
(*) Recursive Acronyms such as RAsaRS Suck.
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